Birthparents:
How to talk to your child about
their family of origin—surviving and thriving!

Air Date: Thursday, October 14, 2004

Approximately 1 hour

Birthparents: How to talk to your child about their family of origin—surviving and thriving!

Talking about birth families has often been a subject that is a highly charged and emotional. Many parents are unsure of how to initiate the ‘right’ conversation at the ‘right’ time.

As parents, we worry that our children may be hurt by the reminder of their birth families (or is it us who might get hurt?). We worry that our children will be disappointed or our relationship will be somehow damaged if we say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Finally, in our heart of hearts, we may worry that maybe, just maybe, our children might prefer their original families over ours. Of course, our children can pick up these feelings and learn that the entire subject is ‘off-limits’ leaving them to ponder and work things out without the benefit of our love and support.

We know that children will look to us and other important adults in their lives for clues on how to deal with issues and even how to feel about certain subjects. In a perverse sense of loyalty, in our efforts to protect our children, we can unwittingly rob them of the opportunity to discuss one of the most important aspects of their lives.

Who really are we trying to protect?

In this session, we will deal with the issues of primal loss and its impact on children and explore the reasons why you should have honest and straightforward conversations about your child’s birth family. Then, we will provide solution, strategies and tools to deal with the “how’s” and “when’s”.

We incorporate technical explanations interspersed with personal stories of triumph and struggle.

Join us and discuss:

• Why you might be uncomfortable with the role of your child’s family of origin in your life
• The risk is in NOT doing it—an adoptee’s view of her family or origin as it relates to her family.
• The role of childhood grief and self-esteem development
• What can happen if you address the issues early and consistently.
• Real-world strategies and tools that will help you and your child.
• How to clue in those around you to support you and your child—there is no need to hide your child’s family of origin.
• What role does loyalty play in the conversation about birthparents.
• To search or not to search…and what to do if that isn’t an option—the dynamic of international adoption
• What about other non-traditional families: beyond adoption: anonymous sperm donor and more

This interactive and thought-provoking hour is designed with you and your children in mind. You owe it to yourself and your family to invest in what promises to be one of the most important programs for your family’s health.

Moderator:
Deb Capone
CEO, As Simple As That

Keynote Speaker:

Dr. Christopher Deeg

Panelists:

Frank Lunn, adult adoptee and author of Stack the Logs
Michelle Madrid-Branch, adult adoptee and author of The Tummy Mummy
Cathy Danowski, MSW, adoptive mom
Adam Pertman; Executive Director, The Evan B. Donaldson Institute and author of Adoption Nation