The Child's Point of View
It is often the case that parent's of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder feel anger toward their child. (See our You're Not Alone page) They blame the child for the pain they are now living through. It is hard to see Reactive Attachment Disorder as an illness. We see the behavior, not the ill child. We need to start looking beyond the behavior to the hurt child inside. In order to help my son heal, it was necessary for me to first understand why his behavior was so nightmarish. I did this through massive research and support. To remain angry and hateful toward him just made the situation worse.
We often feel like we didn't ask for this, they didn't tell us this child was sick and this is often so. We must come to terms with our feelings, acknowledge them and talk about them with others who understand and ultimately, we need to deal with them in a healthy way and move on.
When it comes down to it, we can either make excuses or do the hard work of healing. The way we see our child has a huge effect on how we approach the healing process. If we see him as a monster who is making our life miserable then we both lose. I often thought that if it were me, if I were sick like my son, I would have hoped that at least one grownup person would have worked hard to bring me back to health. I had to put myself in my son's place and stop feeling sorry for myself.
Trying to work toward healing without the tools for healing is not wise. You must advocate for your child - get the diagnosis, get the right therapist, use the therapeutic parenting techniques, have him screened for other disorders, see if he needs medication - otherwise, you will live this life of pain for many years. Its up to you. It is up to the parent to change the situation, not the child. No, we didn't ask for this but this is what has happened.
I feel these articles may help many start seeing the hurt child behind all of the atrocious behaviors.
Becomes the Beast
PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM NOT SAYING
fooled by me.
I give you
the impression that I'm secure.
may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
I need help....help
that is followed by caring from people who care enough to help me.
So I play
my game, my desperate game, with a mask of assurance without.
sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breathe
life into me.
A long conviction
of worthlessness and anger builds strong walls.
Who am I,
you may wonder. I am someone you know very well.
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Any information on the Attachment Disorder Site does not replace professional advice. This site is my attempt to pass on my knowledge from reading and learning everything I could find on this issue so that I could help our son and maybe help others who are walking this same path.
The resources on this entire site are provided for your personal perusal. I have no way to guarantee the accuracy or appropriateness of any information or advice for a particular situation. Nothing on the Attachment Disorder Site constitutes medical, legal or other professional advice and I assume no liability or responsibility for any diagnosis, treatment, decision made, or action taken in reliance upon information contained on these sites including any sites linked to it or your use of the Internet.